Self-compassion: or why should we be nice to others and jerks to ourselves? In the pursuit of ambitious goals and career success, we often prioritize productivity and perfection over personal well-being, especially in a business world that promotes a high-performance culture. However, this quickly leads to burnout, depression, or other mental illnesses, resulting in the exact opposite of the desired outcome: a loss in productivity. A more sustainable approach toward growth and achievement can be brought about by being more self-compassionate. Self-compassion has emerged as a crucial practice for fostering resilience, emotional well-being, and authentic connection to oneself.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-Compassion is rooted in warmth, understanding, and dealing with negative emotions in a balanced and non-judgmental manner. It is often mistaken for self-confidence or self-esteem which involves judging oneself based on a comparison with others. Self-compassion, on the other hand, delves deeper, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging one’s flaws and vulnerabilities with kindness and understanding. Drawing from both psychotherapy applications and Buddhist traditions, researchers such as Gilbert and Neff have highlighted the transformative power of self-compassion in cultivating emotional resilience and connecting to a sense of shared humanity.
Be your own best friend
Self-compassion is essential in the face of failures and setbacks. In these situations, we naturally engage in two automatic behaviors: negative self-evaluation or self-defense. However, both reactions prove counterproductive, hindering growth and learning opportunities. Harsh self-criticism and blaming others for one’s failure may keep us from realizing our true potential for growth and missing out on learning opportunities.
Instead, we should shift toward a mindset of self-understanding and kindness. This is very similar to the compassion we would show to a friend in need. (Or to our team, as I discussed on my previous blog on Compassion). This inward direction of compassion enables employees and leaders to approach challenges with encouragement and, in a wider sense, promotes a culture of psychological safety and support within teams. Compassion toward oneself is the first step toward being more compassionate toward others.
Building emotional resilience through Self-Compassion
Research suggests that self-compassion is closely linked to diminished symptoms of depression and anxiety and better overall mental health. Individuals who practice self-compassion are less at risk for emotional exhaustion and build greater resilience in the face of adversity. Regarding failures as learning opportunities instead of personal deficiencies enables us to develop a growth mindset over time. Instead of slipping into resignation after setbacks or avoiding difficult problems, we remain motivated to change our behavior and tackle improvement as a realistic challenge. By being kind to ourselves, we can acknowledge negative emotions when they arise, without letting them take over our lives.
In fact, we should regard negative emotions as an important signal that something is off. Understanding where negative emotions and making realistic assessments of our strengths and weaknesses can help us identify better career paths that better fit our personality and values. In the long term, this ensures motivation and drive to achieve our authentic goals.
Practicing self-compassion at work
So, how can you practice self-compassion at work? Here are some strategies that can help you in your journey toward becoming more kind to yourself:
- Grant yourself a break. Recognize when you need to take a step back and recharge, even if it’s just a short break during a busy workday. Permitting yourself to rest is crucial for maintaining overall well-being and preventing burnout.
- Approach your weaknesses with a growth mindset. Make a realistic self-assessment. Understanding what your strengths and weaknesses are is an important foundation for self-improvement.
- Acknowledge your self-worth. Replace self-criticism with positive self-talk to affirm your value and capabilities and boost self-confidence and resilience in the face of challenges.
- Use thoughtful self-reflection instead of self-criticism. Rather than focusing solely on mistakes or shortcomings, reflect on your experiences with curiosity and openness, seeking to understand and learn from them.
- Practice gratitude and self-appreciation. Regular journaling can be a useful tool to reflect on positive experiences, accomplishments, and personal strengths.
Self-compassion is a powerful tool for personal and professional growth. By embracing self-compassion, employees can cultivate greater resilience, foster authentic relationships, and navigate challenges with a growth mindset. By integrating self-compassion into our daily practices, we can nurture healthy growth and self-improvement in our personal and professional lives.
