Are You Really Creating Your Life, Or Just Choosing from the Menu?

Discover where you are in your personal agency—and how to step into true co-creation.

We often speak of “creating our lives” with conviction, but I want to challenge that narrative gently. Are we truly creating our lives… or are we merely choosing from what already exists? Are we architects of destiny—or decorators of the pre-approved blueprint handed to us by culture, systems, fears, and expectations?

But what if picking isn’t the same as creating?

What if most of us aren’t truly designing our lives—but simply choosing from the limited menus handed to us by society, culture, and fear?

What if your soul didn’t come here to pick? What if it came here to build something that doesn’t yet exist?

This is the invitation of personal agency: the ability to shape your life from the inside out, rather than live from the outside in.

But personal agency isn’t a switch you flip. It’s a continuum—and we all exist somewhere along it.

Let’s explore the six levels of personal agency so you can understand where you are now and what’s available to you next.

This article is an invitation to pause. To breathe. To reconnect with your soul’s authorship and question how much of your life is truly yours.

Let’s start with the basics.

What is Personal Agency?

Personal agency is the inner knowing—and the outer demonstration—that you have the power to influence your life’s direction. You can decide, initiate, shift, create, and own your path, rather than defaulting to circumstance or external influence.

But agency is not a switch. It’s a continuum—a living, breathing process. We move along it. Sometimes we regress, sometimes we leap forward. And that’s okay. Where you are now is not a judgment. It’s simply a mirror—a reflection of your current thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and habits. It’s just a moment in time.

We each have a unique purpose to fulfill in this life, our soul’s blueprint.

Are You Creating or Picking?

Here’s a truth that’s hard to swallow most of us aren’t actually creating. We’re choosing from what’s already been laid out for us.

We pick a career from what’s “available,” rather than inventing one from our deepest gifts. We choose relationships from proximity and pattern, not soul alignment. We adjust ourselves to fit roles—worker, parent, friend, citizen—rather than expand into who we’re becoming.

Real creation doesn’t happen on autopilot. It requires radical presence. Courage. Agency. But before we leap into solutions, we must first become honest witnesses to where we are. That’s where transformation begins.

The Continuum of Personal Agency: Where Are You?

Let’s explore six levels of personal agency. Not as boxes, but as mirrors. As you read, don’t judge where you land. Just observe with compassionate curiosity.

1. Resigned (Very Low Personal Agency)

Life Motto: “Life happens to me.”

You feel powerless, like a passenger strapped into the wrong ride. Life feels dictated by fate, systems, or the actions of others. You often think, What’s the point? Or That’s just how it is. There’s no energy toward change—only endurance. You may avoid making decisions or setting goals entirely.

This is not a weakness. This is exhaustion of the soul. Sometimes we land here because of trauma, burnout, or systemic suppression. But even here, a spark remains. You are still sacred. You are still capable of rising.

2. Social Alignment (Low Personal Agency)

Life Motto: “Playing by the rules.”

Here, you shape your life around the “shoulds” of society. Approval is oxygen. You hesitate to challenge norms or upset the apple cart. You follow the script even if it chokes your spirit.

This is where many live—quietly suffocating under the weight of being ‘good.’ But goodness without authenticity is just performance. And you were made for more than applause.

3. Cautious Participation (Moderate-Low Personal Agency)

Life Motto: “Waiting on green lights.”

You’ve tasted agency, but it’s tentative. You want to change but wait for conditions to be perfect or permission to be granted. Fear often delays your movement. You have dreams, but momentum falters at the first sign of resistance.

This is the birthplace of frustration. You know more is possible, but your fear still votes on every decision. Still, your awareness is a gift. The seeds of agency are already germinating.

4. Emerging Self-Direction (Moderate Personal Agency)

Life Motto: “I’m still learning me—and that’s enough to begin.”

Here, you’re beginning to listen to your inner voice more than the crowd. You reflect on your values, take action, and experiment. But there’s still self-doubt. You may retreat when challenged or still seek external validation before bold moves.

This is the sacred lab of becoming. You are not lost—you are learning. You are in motion. Stay tender, stay curious, stay committed.

5. Active Ownership (Moderate-High Personal Agency)

Life Motto: “I’ve got this.”

You live with intention. You set meaningful goals, pursue them with clarity, and own your choices. Failures become feedback, not definitions. You honor your values and boundaries. You no longer outsource your authority.

Here, life begins to feel more in alignment. You may not have all the answers, but you’re finally steering the wheel. Your life starts to feel like your own.

6. Purposeful Agency (High Personal Agency)

Life Motto: “I live what I believe and build what I imagine.”

This is soul-aligned living. You act boldly, even in uncertainty. You trust yourself deeply. Obstacles become opportunities. You’re not just living—you’re creating. You mentor others, inspire through embodiment, and build from vision, not fear.

This is not perfection. It’s integration. You are fully alive, awake, and anchored in who you are.

Shifting to the Next Level: How Do You Move?

Transformation doesn’t begin with action. It starts with awareness—followed by choice and then aligned behavior.

Here’s how to shift up the continuum:

1. Change the Question You Ask Yourself

Most people ask: “What should I do?” → External reference Instead, ask: “What is most true for me right now?” → Internal reference

Truth is a better compass than rules.

2. Challenge the Default Menu

If everything you’re choosing from already exists, you’re not creating—you’re selecting. Creation begins when you say: What if this menu isn’t big enough for me?

Build what you can’t find. Imagine what doesn’t exist. The system didn’t account for your soul.

3. Shift Your Thinking

Let go of:

• “I can’t because…”
• “That’s just not how things work.”
• “I’m not ready.”

Replace with:

• “What if I experiment?”
• “What’s one step?”
• “Even if I fail, I’ll grow.”

Every empowered action begins with a new thought. Belief is the first tool of creation.

4. Update Your Behavior

• Say no to things that drain your power.
• Say yes to small bold moves—even if your voice shakes.
• Set micro-goals that reflect who you’re becoming, not just who you’ve been.
• Create before you’re confident.

Agency lives in the doing—courage compounds. Confidence comes after action—not before.

From Picker to Co-Creator

Most of us were taught to be pickers. We choose from what’s available: the list of jobs on LinkedIn, the predefined career paths, and the roles already modeled for us.

We say, “What are my options?” without ever asking, “Are these even the right options for me?”

But here’s the revelation: Picking is not the same as creating. And the life you’re meant to live may not be on the menu.

A picker chooses based on what is. A co-creator dares to imagine what isn’t—yet. A picker survives within the system. A co-creator builds a new one. A picker asks, “What’s available?” A co-creator asks, “What is possible through me?”

Picking is living by default. Creating is living by design.

Being guided by our hearts and intuition doesn’t mean we have all the pieces of the puzzle, but it does provide us with enough strength to move forward into uncharted territory with confidence.

Co-Creation Is a Radical Act

You cannot build your future while clinging to the story that you are powerless.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about liberation. When you own that you are the author, not just the character, everything changes.

I know this shift intimately.

My Story: From Victim to Creator

When I moved to Amsterdam for a new role at a global company, I thought I was stepping into expansion. But nothing went as planned. No one was prepared for me. My role crumbled. I was alone, disillusioned, and devastated.

Eventually, I returned to the U.S.—but I brought the story with me.

For two years, I repeated that story to anyone who would listen: “They failed me. It was unfair. I gave up everything.”

Until one day, I saw myself clearly. Not with shame—but with radical honesty.

I realized: This story is no longer about what happened. It’s about how I’m choosing to stay stuck in it.

That moment became my turning point. I stopped being a picker. I started becoming a co-creator.

I launched my own business. I created a path no one handed me. And I began living not by what was available—but by what was possible.

How Do You Make the Shift?

To move up the agency continuum—and shift from picker to co-creator—you need three internal shifts:

The gut is our highest form of intelligence.

1. Listen to Your Inner Compass

Your soul knows what’s true for you. But it speaks in whispers—not shouts. It’s that quiet nudge, the gut instinct, the irrational knowing.

Stop asking, “What’s practical?” Start asking, “What’s real for me?”

When I heard the whisper, “Move to Switzerland,” it made no sense. But I followed it. And everything changed.

2. Master Your Mind

Your thoughts shape your perception—and your perception shapes your world. If you keep believing, “This is all there is,” you’ll only see limits.

But thoughts are not facts. They are habits. And you can change them.

Start asking:

• “What am I believing right now?”
• “Is this thought feeding my fear or my future?”
• “What would I believe if I trusted myself fully?”

3. Master Your Emotions

Your emotions are powerful—but they are not your identity. They are data—not destiny.

Most people react from pain. But you can choose to respond from power.

Emotional mastery means:

• Feeling deeply—but not being ruled by your feelings.
• Letting anger reveal your boundaries.
• Letting fear sharpen your awareness—not cage your choices.

Expansion at Each Level: What You Become

Self-awareness is one of your greatest tools for growth and the realization of your goals.

With self-compassion and self-awareness you can meet yourself where you are and shift one level at a time. The table below outlines what is required to shift levels.

Each level expands your capacity to live, lead, love, and contribute.

From the Heart and Gut

I didn’t write this from a mountain of mastery. I wrote it with dirt under my fingernails—from the trenches of my own becoming.

I’ve been Resigned—numb and disoriented. I’ve been Aligned with society—smiling and dying inside. I’ve waited for green lights that never came. I’ve doubted, delayed, retreated. I’ve also risen. Bit by bit. With trembling hands. With tears. With tenacity.

And you can too.

Because personal agency isn’t a prize for the perfect. It’s the birthright of the brave. Of the broken. Of the seekers. Of you.

Your life doesn’t have to fit the world’s frame. You can build your own canvas. You can write your own scripture. You can shape your own sky.

You can create—not just pick.

So where are you now, beloved soul?

And what would it look like to take one step forward?

Final Truth: You Were Never Meant to Fit In

You were not born to choose from a pre-approved list simply. You were born to imagine what has never existed—and build it.

So don’t ask: “What are my options?” Ask: “What do I want to create?”

And then begin.

The world needs fewer pickers. It needs more co-creators.

It needs you.